Not really sure what to say here.....
So here I am, it's Friday night and I'm home...alone..again..., not saying that's a bad thing,being that I'm kinda tired and I do have to work tomorrow. You know, I've been thinking, there's some things at work that piss me off, but they feel so small in comparison to things that other people tell me. I feel almost like I'm shrinking when I explain my problems, and then someone tells me theirs. Almost like, I feel the things that are going on right now are only important to me, or like somehow working at this grocery store only feels like a job and not a career. I can't say with any certainty that I'll stay with the store, or in this career path. I am having fun to a point. I think some of the people make it that way, but sometimes the job seems almost, redundant and monotonous. I don't know. I mean summers rolling around, baseball seasons starting, I'm very excited about that and I just want to be able to enjoy my life. Maybe I'm focusing too much importance on the fact that I should be enjoying it now and not making preparations for my future. Then again, today, tomorrow, the next day could be the last day I get to open my eyes in the morning to piss and moan at the world. This is probably the first time in a long time that I've actually written this much, but it's all in the cabeza and it's got to come out somehow. I don't know, sometimes I just feel like the years keep rolling along and I get older, but it almost feels like the same year as it was last year. I feel like the same things are happening, go to work, come home, go to sleep, weekend drink. It's almost like I'm on this constant loop day to day. Kinda like Groundhog day with Bill Murray. But now it's almost like a lesser extent. Maybe I'm starting to be complacent with that fact that my life is at a standstill and all I have to do is just what I'm supposed to instead of actually living...wait scratch that. I really don't want to be complacent with that fact. When summer finally arrives (none of this roller coaster weather shit), I will feel more motivated to get off my ass and make a go of my real life. I feel like this is a veneer of what it's supposed to be. I just hope it's not too late to be who I'm supposed to be not just who I am. I mean, I like where I'm at with my friends, my family, but it's the other things, career, women, that somehow posses the biggest enigma I thought I would ever have in my life. Usually I have something in my head to end a post on, something that I think could be deep or make you think, or could just be plain depressing, but I got nothing. So, THAT'S MY MOMMA!
posted by jtothek @ 8:39 PM
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